47 results found for tag 'ant'
| ID | Setup | Punchline | Tags |
|---|---|---|---|
| 17 | What did the melon say when her boyfriend said they should get married in Vegas? | "But honey, we canteloupe!" | |
| 34 | A man orders coffee in a restaurant. He takes a sip and spits it out, yelling, "This coffee tastes like mud!" | The waiter comes by and says, "Yes, sir. It's fresh ground." | |
| 169 | Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? | Because his pecker is on his head! | |
| 170 | What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? | El-if-I-no! | |
| 172 | Why doesn't Santa have any children? | Because he only comes once a year and it's down a chimney! | |
| 217 | What do you call a snake who works for the government? | A civil serpent. | |
| 219 | What's blue and doesn't weigh much? | Light blue | |
| 224 | What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? | No ballroom! | |
| 227 | What's the difference between a short Eskimo and a fat eunuch? | One's a frigid midget with a rigid digit, and the other is a massive vassal with a passive tassel! | |
| 230 | What do you call Santa's elves? | Subordinate clauses! | |
| 233 | What kind of pants does Super Mario wear? | Denim denim denim! | |
| 276 | What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? | Halfway! | |
| 299 | How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? | Tenants! | |
| 304 | What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? | One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean! | |
| 311 | Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? | Because they're really good at it! | |
| 361 | What do you call a horny unicorn? | A unicorn! | |
| 379 | Quel est le résultat quand tu croisés l'océan atlantique avec le Titanic? | à mi-chemin! | |
| 390 | How much did Santa's sleigh cost? | Nothing; it's on the house! | |
| 399 | Why does Santa eggs benedict from a hubcap? | Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise! | |
| 424 | What do a pregnant woman, burnt pizza, and frozen beer have in common? | A man who didn't take it out in time! | |
| 425 | Why can't two elephants go swimming? | They only have one pair of trunks! | |
| 434 | Did you hear about the herb gardener who worked until 8pm? | They had to pay him overthyme! | |
| 439 | What do Indian flowers grow? | Patels! | |
| 443 | Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? | She gave birth in the spring! | |
| 450 | What has 100 legs but can't walk? | 50 pairs of pants! | |
| 465 | What word is always spelled wrong in the dictionary? | "Wrong." | |
| 483 | What do you call a tree with all its branches cut off? | An ampu-tree! | |
| 565 | What's the least spoken language in the world? | Sign language. | |
| 570 | How does a waiter learn to carry so much food? | By taking lots of tray-ning! | |
| 577 | Two ants were crawling up Prince Charming's legs. | One turned to the other and said, "Meet you at the Royal Ball tonight!" | |
| 607 | Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? | Because they lactose! | |
| 609 | What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? | Comet! | |
| 611 | Why is the army so strict about uniforms? | To minimize casual tees! | |
| 615 | Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? | She's going to have her baby in the spring! | |
| 665 | Where do cats go when they die? | Purrgatory! | |
| 671 | What's Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit? | Cantaloupe! | |
| 680 | When are plants awake? | At tree AM! | |
| 708 | What happens when you mix anti-depressants and Viagra? | When you cum, the glass is half full. | |
| 731 | How did the Eskimo fix his house? | Igloo-ed it back together! | |
| 739 | Why can't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three? | Because the signs all say "NO TRES-PASSING"! | |
| 750 | Exactly how excited was Wendy to get to Neverland? | She was so excited that she nearly Peter Pans! | |
| 752 | What is a mathematician's favorite kind of boob? | Quantitties! | |
| 758 | How do you tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? | One of them is an elephant! | |
| 792 | Why are accountants excited to work on the weekend? | Because they get to wear casual clothes to the office! | |
| 793 | Why did the accountant cross the road? | Because that's what he did last year! | |
| 794 | How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb? | How many did it take last year? | |
| 795 | What does an accountant use for birth control? | His personality. |
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